i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
