This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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