Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
