well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
