He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
