He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
