so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
