am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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