I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
