Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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