I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
