Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
