...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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