Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
