why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
