i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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