So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
