yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
