If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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