Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
