He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She told me I should be a condom model.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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