Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
