I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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