How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
