Little spoons don't ask big questions
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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