My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
