: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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