I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
