Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
