last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
