we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
