Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
