At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish life had little blips of pornography
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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