No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
