It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
