they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
