She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
