May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
