so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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