Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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