you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
