He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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