i wish starbucks made bloody marys
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
