So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
