tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
