You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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