you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
