went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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