Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
