You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
