dude i'm inner monologue high
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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