just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
