My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
