She's JV to your varsity
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
