Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
